Friday, October 19, 2007

One night in a desi cyber cafe.

A new cyber cafe has just opened a few streets away from the ambaawaadi basti. It has 10 cubes in a 10 by 10 kholi. The main patronage is lower middle-class workers and daily wage earners like construction workers, carpentars, chaiwallahs, school going kids and petty Shiv Sena thugs who really don't have much going on for them these days. The customers are not extremely poor; once in a while they can afford to spend 20-30 rupees for pleasure. They arrive at the cyber cafe at around 10 in the night. Most of them have just finished eating their daily meals with their families, many smelling of daal or sambhaar and will now start browsing hardcore pornography in cramped cubes. Not all of them though. You will find an occasional student trying to look up US university rankings (wanting to get the hell out of this shithole) or emailing her friend in America. The tubelights are bright and the cubes are well covered; they have to be, it gets pretty ugly in there sometimes. Its not sound proof though. You can hear noises emanating from the tiny dingy cubes. On their computer screens are white women of various shapes and sizes spread out in various positions in various locations. The dhool that made the laborer's skin pitch dark contrasts starkly with the white bodies flashing vulgarly on their screens. Its heavenly for them in there. Who could have imagined that apnaa Babloo who never got so much as an accidental glance from the neighbourhood jhaadoowaali would be indulging in blonde foreigner women on an island in America. Babloo's story is different though. He is not angootha-chaap like others. He is 10th pass. He can read and write broken English and works as a peon. He wants to reach out to the mysterious heavenly women not just via his eyes but also via his poetic words. He wants to communicate. So he chats. He has been talking to JessicaHotForU, a lady from America he says, for a few months now. Jessica has sent Babloo a picture of hers; it looks like Britney Spears. Wait, it is Britney Spears! Babloo was very excited about Jessica looking so pretty. At this point nobody knows whether Jessica really looks that pretty or if she is really a she at all. Babloo also sent his picture to her; actually Salman Khan's. Hey, everything is fair in love and war. Today Jessica is coming late he proudly tells the cafe attendant. They are all amazed that Babloo is able to communicate with these women. Babloo logs on in his internet room. Jessica is already waiting.
Babloo : hai Jessica. you told you get late today?
Babloo : you are there?
...long silence...
JessicaHotForU : yeah, sorry sweety.
Babloo : hai Jessica.
JessicaHotForU : hi how are you sweetheart?
Babloo : I am enjoying talking to you daily.
JessicaHotForU : me too honey.
.....long silence....
Babloo : you are there?
JessicaHotForU : yes, too many people online today. LOL!
Baboo : how many people you talking?
JessicaHotForU : depends.
Babloo : I only talk you.
JessicaHotForU : awww. How sweet.
Balboo : you liking?
...long silence...
Babloo : What are you wearing today darling?
JessicaHotForU : nothing.
Babloo : Wow. I want to be with you and fuck you now only.
JessicaHotForU : come and get it sugar.
Babloo : I want to come America. But very hard to leave company. My five-star hotel very busy. But I get good money from business. I get tickets to America and live with you. But visa is problem.
JessicaHotForU : You own a five-star hotel? lol !
Babloo : Yes, partnership with friend.
JessicaHotForU : wow. I wanna come and check it out.
Babloo : Yes, yes. Please come to India.
...long silence...
Babloo : You are there?
JessicaHotForU : Yeah.
Babloo : Actually I want to ask question. I never love anybody. Only you. And I know you from 3 month. It is love at first sight.
JessicaHotForU : Me too sweety.
Babloo : Really? Then you want to come and live with me?
JessicaHotForU : Sure. lol !
Babloo : I want to marry you. I have experience your body many times. Now I want to be your husband.
JessicaHotForU : wow. no kidding. LOL.
Babloo : I am very serious. I want to marry you. You will be like queen. Lot of money for you.
...long silence...
Babloo : You want to marry me?
JessicaHotForU : Dude, what the fuck are you talking about? You think I am going to marry a diseased third world towelhead dothead snake-charmer like you?
Babloo : Why you angry? I love you Jessica. You love me too. We not fight after we marry. I wear towel only after bath and not on head, on my body to cover my, heee heee, huge dick, that you like, hee hee. What is dothead darling?
JessicaHotForU : Piss off dumbass.
Babloo : Your language I not like. After marry you change bad language.
JessicaHotForU : Screw you bloody terrorist.
...long silence....
Babloo : Why you quiet darling?
JessicaHotForU : Mother fucker, don't ever talk to me again.
Babloo : I am feeling very bad. I love you. You break my heart if you talk like this. Can you send me another photo of you? My friends say its not right photo. I told, they liars. Now I think they right. You not right.
JessicaHotForU : Ok dude, you are on my ignore list. Tata !
Babloo : What is ignore list?
Babloo : Send me another photo.
Babloo : You are there?
Balboo : Darling?
...long silence...
Babloo : Saali harami.
Babloo logs off. He is heartbroken. This is the fifth time a foreigner woman has played games with his heart. He says he will never fall in love again. He feels used. He pays the 30 rupees to the cyber cafe guy and heads out leaving his friends behind, moaning and groaning in their respective cubes. He goes home, opens the door. The tiny kholi is jam packed with his family sleeping on the floor. He gets to his spot, covers himself up with an old torn bedsheet and cries himself to sleep. On the other side of the world JessicalHotForU shuts down his computer, takes off his skirt, puts his pants back on and goes to work.
Technology has finally united developed and developing nations.

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