Friday, September 26, 2008

Night out in the city

    After spending many weekends either watching movies or playing cards or nerdy games with friends or just plain-old-reading, Sejal and I decided that we should act like a young couple and enjoy a night out clubbing. So we decided to go to Santana Row, the only club-able area in the south bay. We dressed up in our finest party clothes, sprayed an entire bottle of perfume (we are Gujarati) got in our ride, cranked up the latest hip dandiya number and drove towards the partaay. The first requirement of a good night life scene is that you should have a ton of trouble parking. Not here baby, parking was a breeze. That pretty much told you how exciting the club scene would be. We started walking alongside various clubs and saw wine glasses and giant round plates on the tables with just a drop of what is considered food in the centre - aaila gourmet style. Aunties and uncles everywhere, talking softly, mostly quiet. We quickly moved away from those dead zones and towards where the music was blaring. The second indicator of a good night club is people crowding outside to get in. Not here; all clubs were empty with bouncers swatting flies outside. We spotted a club that had a few people inside apparently enjoying the music (as evidenced by the rythmic slow bobbing of the head in sync with one leg) and drinking. They seemed to be talking but I didn't see how you could carry a conversation in such a noise. It seemed so uncomfortable and pointless. Yes for single guys and girls it was a nice way to check each other out, exchange sexual vibes and make it worth the 10 dollar cover charge and 4 dollar beer. But for the Desi married couple it made no sense, especially because the resulting divorce could be very expensive. And of course I did enjoy clubbing in Austin during grad school. A bunch of desi enginerds, low on money, high on testosterone, sweat and body hair, dancing rowdily with a large handkerchief in hand, forcing everyone to do bhangra, all of 5 feet 7 but drunk and stupid enough to pick a fight with the biggest of the bouncers. The idea was that the more loud, obvious and vulgar you get the better the females would notice you. We are desi, we have to be obvious and explicit. It never worked that way and you ended the night with the same nerds you began it with in the same tasteless apartments. 
    The club also had no dance floor; atleast that could be fun. Since it didn't make any sense there we decided to check out other places where you could atleast hear each other talk. We found a nice outdoor club with lounge type chairs and low decibel music and filled with good looking women. That seemed ideal. I asked Sejal to put on her burkha as there were some good looking guys around too. Upon entering we were told that we would have to share the table with another couple. The concept of sharing isn't alien to me - you often shared a table at a cheap restaurant in India where the other guy just kept eating and ignored you as if your hungry self waiting for the food didn't exist - sure we've done that.  So we agreed. I was secretly hoping that some gorgeous women were sharing our table because clubbing is all about seeing and being seen, isn't it? Thats why I gave Sejal a small window in her burkha so she could see but not be seen. What we saw instead was an old couple looking straight in our direction. 
    At last we settled in our chairs and stared at each other. Then we wondered what to talk about. Is there a special club talk that you need to engage in with your spouse? Should we stare at each other with promiscuous eye and lip movements. I mean, what do you do in a club with your spouse that you cannot already do in your house?! All around we saw large groups of people engaged in laughter and fun. We also saw couples like us sitting and staring at other people. So we decided that the next time we go clubbing we will get a group , even if we have to pay them god damn it! And we ended up talking about how bhangaar this club scene is and how much more fun Austin was and the extreme importance of partying in a group. A drink later we packed up, headed back to our car, put back the dandiya music and went home. 
chaar aane ki murgi, baar aane ka masala, huh.

p.s. Things related to burkha and dandiya music were fictional and added just for creating some excitement in this thakela post. 

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Arz kiya hain...

Courtesy www.jammag.com

Yeh teri zulfein hain yaa raat ka andhera,
Yeh teri zulfein hain yaa raat ka andhera,
Ho jaa ganjee, kar de sawera.

Lohe ko Loha kat ta hai ... 
Sone Ko Sona Kat ta hai... 
Jaher ko Jaher kat ta hai... 
Isliye apko Kutta katega 

Woh to aaj bhi hamein dekh kar muskurate hain 
Par unke bachche bade kameene hain 
Jo hamein mama, mama kah kar bulate hain 

Tajmahal ko dekh kar, 
Bola shahjahan ka pota, 
Aaj hamaara bhi bank balance hota, 
Agar dada deewana naa hota... 

Jab dekha unhone tirchhi nazar se, 
toh hum madhosh ho gaye, 
Par jab pata chala ki unki nazare hi tirchhi hai, 
toh hum behosh ho gaye...

Bewafa tum ho to Wafadaar hum bhi nahi, 
Besharam tum ho to Sharmile hum bhi nahi, 
Pyaar ke is mode par Aake kehte ho 
Shaadi-shuda ho ? 
To kya hua darling... Kunwaare hum bhi nahin!

Jab jab gire baadal, teri yaad aayi 
Jhoom ke barsa saawan, teri yaad aayi 
Bheega main, lekin phir bhi teri yaad aayi 
Kyon na aaye teri yaad? Tune jo chatri ab tak nahi lautai... 

Aaj kal tum muskuraati ho bohut 
Mere dil ko bhaati ho bohut 
Dil kehta hai le jaoon tumhain dinner per 
Par suna hai tum khaati ho bohut! 

Chehra tera nazron ke saamne se hat ta nahi, 
Tere siva koi aur mujhe dikhta hi nahi, 
Ab toh bas ek hi dua karta hoon khuda se...
Ki tu thodi patli ho jaye, 
Aur mujhe baaki ke log bhi dikhayee de! 

Har khushi ko teri taraf mod doon, 
Tere liye chand taare tak tod doon, 
Ek baar tu has ke dikha... 
Tere sare daat tod doon! 

Sher sunne me sunane me maza aata hai 
Jab asli ka sher samne aata hai 
Tab bhaagne me maza aata hai 

(bhaiyya language)
Tuhaar chehraa moti samaan, 
Tuhaar chehraa moti samaan, 
Moti hamaar kutte ka naam!! 

Itna khoobsurat kaise muskura lete ho, 
Itna qatil kaise sharma lete ho, 
Kitni aasani se jaan le lete ho, 
Kisi ne sikhaya hai... Ya bachpan se hi kamine ho? 

Courtesy www.jammag.com

And one last original shayari from me ----- 
Door se dekha to sher khadaa thaa,
door se dekha to sher khadaa thaa,
maaila, paas gayaa'ich nahi.

MIA desi hain !

A few days ago I was listening to a San Francisco radio station for Alternative Rock and a very strange and curiously familiar tune came on. It sounded so much like an 80's Mithun movie song. It went like "Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy, aaja aaja aaja". Oh wait, it was *indeed* from an 80's Mithun movie "Disco Dancer"! Then a strange African congo beat took over but still interspersed with "Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy". I immediately Shazam'ed it (for primates who don't know what Shazam is, its an iPhone feature that tells you the song name just by "listening" to it). It was by an artist called MIA. Strange name. Whatever. So I looked up a few more songs from this artist and got hooked. She had some unbelievably funky songs with beats from multiple cultures and always something desi about it but you couldn't point your finger to what it was. Then I read up on her and was shocked, amazed, astonished, flabbergasted, dumbfounded, maa-kasam'ed to discover that MIA is desi, aaila! This is the first desi (ok second if you count the Parsi bawaa Firdaus Bulsara a.k.a. Freddie Mercury from Queen as Desi, not kidding.) artist getting somewhere in mainstream western music. Her music is fascinating and makes you wanna dance. She is Tamil and hot. Her family fought with the Tamil rebels against oppressive Sri Lankan government. She has stayed all over the world, has strong opinions on social causes, freedom, injustice and what not. Naachti bhi hain mast. She is too much, yaar. Without further adoo garlic here are some of her more famous numbers.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Marathi iPhone

Found this from another blogger. Its high-larious !

Couple of days back, Steve P. Jobs unveiled the world’s first custom made series of touch screen phones, affectionately titled the AAIFONE (aaiFone). Targeted specifically at the Maharashtrians, this phone is the result of a recent collaboration between Apple (or SapharChand as its partners call it), RMNS Corp. and Shee Cena (wholly-owned subsidiary of Ball Tak Inc., Ulhasnagar) The product was launched in a high profile press conference held in Bihar on Feb 14th. Steve P. Jobs appeared on a bullock cart wearing a Pheta with the aaiFone held high. He was accompanied by Aaj Phekrey (CEO, RMNS) and Uthake Phekrey (Chairman, Shee Cena) on either side. “This starts a new chapter in the history of touch screen phones”, said Steve. “I have always wanted to give something back to my fellow maharashtrians and this is my Valentine’s Day gift to them. I am and always have been one of them. For the uninformed, my middle name is Padgaonkar and not Paul as some people assume it to be. Mee pann ek Marathi manoos aahe”, confessed Steve in front of a massive three member audience. aaiFone weighs a good 5 kilos and is sturdy, lathi-resistant, shock-proof, oil-proof, water-resistant and blood-proof. “It has been designed keeping the average activist in mind. We want people to use it during bandhs and rasta rokos and that’s reason we have made it this strong”, Aaj was quoted as having said. Encased in a violence-inducing orange, green and black metal case, this Phone is an internet-enabled multi-touch, multimedia masterpiece. Based on the Jijabyte chipset (named as a tribute to Shivaji), it has a virtual keyboard, touch sensitive buttons and 0.3 Megha-pixel (named after Steve’s daughter) camera. The initial models won’t have xenon flash or auto focus (though the consortium says that the later versions would have a North Indian focus!). But what truly makes it a portable must-have of the ordinary Marathi manoos is its software and interface. Apple’s proprietary software – Mac ki OS is at the heart of this phone. The default language of the phone would be Marathi (Devanagari being the only other option.) Mr. Uthake was quoted as having told the audience that they could have any other language on the phone as long as it was Marathi. The aaiFone would come pre-loaded with wallpapers and screensavers of Tigers, Shivaji maharaj, Vada pav, Arun gawli etc. The themes would have a distinct orange, blue and green tint to them. Famous Marathi tunes such as the Nashik dhol, Dhagala lagli kalla and Jai Jai Maharashtra mazhaa would be included as a standard set in the cell’s multimedia gallery. In terms of connectivity, the phone would have an inbuilt browser called Swarajya and files could be exchanged wirelessly using proprietary software NeelDantha. For promotional activities, they have tied up with actors Shreyas Talpade & Mohan Joshi. The advertising would be handled by Bhen & Mather Pvt Ltd. An ‘apple-eating tiger’ is the proposed logo and the propossed ad jingle is – Tujhya aai cha, Mazhaa aai cha, Saglyancha aai cha aavadta AAIFONE. The consortium has vowed to make this phone available ONLY to real Maharashtrians. After a careful screening process (to be done by company activists and not network providers), only the TRUE marathis would be able to lay their hands on this baby!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Found the namuna

Maa kasam, I found the guy's website! This is the same guy I was talking about in this post. And the website is http://rajkumarkanojia.com/index.htm.
His photos, his achievements, aai haai fidaa ho gayaa. He is my next Mithun, my next Govinda. I am religiously going to track all his serials and movies, although it will be hard to actually spot him because he has acted for a total of sixty seconds in his thakela career.