Saturday, September 29, 2007

Love the ugly.

This article is not for the faint of heart. Please stop reading this if you cannot tolerate graphic depictions. Imagine a tiny cheap half-broken 10 paise rubber band. Imagine it has been in the hair of atleast twenty-five Indian women until it finally gave way and broke. So the amount of oil and hair stuck on it is significant. Please stop reading now. Now imagine it has been dragged and trampled on in the ladies compartment for about five years straight. Its pretty lifeless but not dead yet; there are still some residual hints of elasticity and color; it was bright yellow at one time now its mostly black with a faint tinge of yellow. If you've come this far, don't go away now. Imagine this somehow gets stuck to a little boy's feet. The boy sees it for the first time;its still stuck to his feet. Mashed up snugly on his heels. Not going anywhere. Just happy to have found a place to die peacefully after all. The boy immediately understands the situation and decides to protect the poor rubber band. He carries it around on his heels for a couple days. He doesn't wash his heels lest the rubber band falls off. He plays with it secretly; plays with whatever is left of its lousy elasticity. Eventually people around him puzzled by his behaviour learn about this activity. They are shocked at the disgusting little piece stuck on the boy's feet. They plead and cajole the boy to give it up. Then they force him to give it up. They replace the ugly rubber band with a brand new shiny one. The boy doesn't like it. He wanted the ugly one. He has avoided rubber bands ever since. Serious.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

ICICI bank bhaigiri

Recently in the news, a simpleminded middleclass marathi manoos took out a Rupees 50,000 loan from ICICI bank but could not repay it. It is alleged that ICICI sent goons after him, harassed his family, asked him to sell everything he has, including his wife and kids and even then if he can't repay the loan, techya maayla, DIE ! Unable to bear the pressure the poor man committed suicide. While reading this the first thought that crossed my mind was, wow my bank is so serious about its money. Great job guys! I own ICICI shares. Ugh.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Bachhe to baghwaan ka roop hote hain.

awww so cute, so sweet. Take all the save-the-drama-for-your-mumma movies made by Karan Johar or Yash Chopra or Yash Raj or all those ridiculous big banner tear-jerker movies. Heck, take any desi movie released within the past 10-15 years and take a close look at those scary little devils that masquerade as child actors. With a straight face you cannot tell me that they are anywhere close to what kids should be or used to be. I seriously have to yet find one movie where the child actor was anything less than absolutely irritating. They act like adults, talk like they know everything, recite complex dialogues that are too sensible to make sense coming out of a 15 year old child's mouth. They dance like adults; fucking Shiamak Davar screwed it all up. His bollywood dance propaganda sucked the natural innocence out of kids and turned them into perfectly synchronized dancing chimpanzees. Give me some creativity, some improvisation. Freaking bollywood. To top it all, the kids still want us to believe that they are just little and cute and innocent. Bullshit! If you act like an adult I am gonna treat you like an adult. Little punk. 
I am sure we all have our choices of the most punkass child actors ever. For me the one that stands out is that little girl Anjali from Kuch Kuch Hota Hain. See pic. Ugh. Anjali khud ko kya shaani samajhti hain? Teri to, saamne aa kabhi, dikhata hoon!

What trigerred this outburst is another mahaa-pakaau movie I saw recently "Vivah". It featured another irritating sample, attached here. To copy that even real-life kids in India are acting like this. You go to the malls or garba or theme-parks or check out their online profiles and you are bound to see such items on display.
The only saving grace in this whole mess is that these child actors remain just that, child actors. Very rarely do they get a big break in the entertainment industry. After a few years they can be seen acting in inconsequetial roles. Ha! Now what happened to you? All your cute wisecracks are over now? Phew ! There is some justice after all. How do their parents even live under the same roof as these scam artists. If I have a kid like that I will...ahem...chal chhod abhi...my better-half reads this blog sometimes. Anyway, the score is Pulkit-1, irritating kid actor-0.

Shocking things heard from educated people in the 21st century

These are some of the most shocking things that I have heard from upper middle class and supposedly educated people in this day and age.
...Women are a little less intelligent than men because they need to take care of the house and family.
...Women are bad drivers.
...I expect my future wife to be a virgin because I am one (good luck).
...Women are attracted to men who have had multiple partners. So next time you are trying to pataao a lady, tell her how big a player you are and then treat her like crap.
...Muslims need to be wiped out. They have many children and they will take over.
...I support Shiv Sena and Narendra Modi for the "lesson" they taught to Muslims.
...more to come...